When looking at a special needs family, have you ever thought, “I don’t know how they do it” or “I could never do it.” Here is a secret, we are no different than you, trying to do the best we can with our children. But the truth is, sometimes we feel burnt-out in our roles as caregivers. We love our children, but we feel overwhelmed by the extra responsibilities. When you wonder how we do it, we might be barely hanging on.
And here is another truth, sometimes, we could really use your help. How can you help? I asked my friends on Facebook for their feedback, and their responses were surprisingly similar. With their input and my personal experience, here are seven practical ways you can help a special needs family:
It will not surprise you to know that special needs parents spend a lot of extra time and attention on their children with disabilities. Therapies, doctor appointments, medical equipment, specialists, etc. Even at home, some kids with special needs require a little bit more attention and one-on-one. Let me be blunt here: we need a break!
What would special needs parents like to do when you babysit?
- Go out to dinner with their spouse. Did you know that chances of divorce increase dramatically when there are children with special needs in the home?
- Spend time alone with the typical kids outside the home. Typical kids need time with their parents, and sometimes their time gets sacrificed because of the urgent needs of the sibling with special needs.
- Take a nap. You read that right, you can babysit while the parent takes a nap. Some special needs parents get very little sleep, it is nice to know you can sleep for a couple of hours while someone is watching your child.
Of course these are just a few examples of what special needs parents dream of doing if they had a babysitter. Even two hours is a gift. If the child has medical needs, consider learning how to use medical equipment so your friend can still have a break.
We are so thankful when you come and watch our children, you are a gift to our family when you give us a break as parents.
2. Bring food
Amazing how something so simple helps so much! Not having to worry about dinner makes a day run much better. And you don’t have to make a fancy gourmet meal. Tater tot casserole will do, or spaghetti, or tacos. Actually, you don’t even have to cook, even showing up with a pizza, or a rotisserie chicken from the store is much appreciated.
You want to take it a step further? Organize your small group, mom’s group, or a group of friends to gather some freezer meals. Show up with 5 freezer meals and we will love you forever!
You want to take this even further? What if your group decided to bring a meal once a week for a set number of months?
If you feel like babysitting a child with complicated medical issues would be a stretch, bringing food is always a great option to help hands on!
If you are wondering, “How do I even ask?” How about this, “Hey, I want to bring you a meal, when would be a god day and time for me to drop it off?” It is really that simple.
3. Help clean
You can imagine how easy it is to push housekeeping chores aside when your time is spent in therapy, or visiting doctor’s offices, or on the phone trying to figure out insurance. Sometimes there is no energy to fold the laundry or scrub the toilet. Having someone come and help us clean our house makes our overall feeling of “life” feel a little easier.
You want to take this a step further? Gather your small group of friends or from church and tackle the cleaning together. Blast the music, laugh together. What a rewarding thing to do with a group of people you are close to. And if it is a possibility for the family, ask them to come back in a few hours, and surprise them with a clean house, clean dishes, and laundry that is folded and put away. I guarantee you, you will have fun and feel like you really gave back to someone that will really appreciate it. Hey, they might even want to join in the fun!
4. Take me out
Special needs parents need time with friends.
So ask your friend to go out for coffee and a brownie, or a late night dinner, or just sit in your living room and laugh. Figure out what time works best for them and make it a plan.
Here is a little confession, sometimes, as special needs parents we don’t do a very good job at initiating with our friends, so we need you, we really need you to get us out. We need your friendship more than you realize.
We need you to listen, just listen. No pity. No sympathy. Just listen. We need to know someone hears us.
Ask questions too. It tells us you want to understand more about our life.
6. Help with chores or errands
When you run to the store to get a few items, pick up the cell phone and ask, “Is there anything I can get for you?”
If your kids have soccer practice with one of the siblings, what about offering to pick-up or drop-off the kids?
Rides and quick runs to a store are always helpful.
7. Money or gift cards
Special needs families sometimes have extra expenses, your monetary gifts can help with therapy, or adaptive equipment, or to hire a babysitter.
I mentioned cleaning would be helpful, but I know some families have a hard time letting other people clean their home, so pitch in with your friends and hire a maid to come.
Gift cards are always welcome gifts. Think about restaurants, fast food, groceries, or gas cards.
And finally, thank you. Thank you for your willingness to be a part of our lives, thank you for getting it, thank you for wanting to reach out to us. Knowing you are available makes a difference. It helps us know we are not alone.
Are you a special needs family? What would you add to this list?