Being an Adult With Sensory Processing Disorder

On the 4th of July, I ate half of my dinner alone, outside of a restaurant. My family was inside looking out at me as I wore my noise canceling headphones and tried to calm my nerves after a near panic attack.

Why can’t I be normal? I kept asking myself. Why am I freaking out because of an overload in my senses?

Forcing back the tears that welled up in my eyes, everything in my heart wanted someone to be there to say, “It’s okay. You’re not alone,” but no one came. But don’t feel sorry for me. No, I say this because I feel in my heart that I am not the only one who has been in this situation. Adults with sensory processing disorder (SPD) tend to feel out of place, overwhelmed, and often alone.

So if you’re an adult with SPD, know that you are not alone.

I understanding how heavy the weight can be. How you sometimes feel like screaming and running far away, but there is nowhere to run. How the world wears you out so much that you often wonder how you can get up the next morning because you are so overwhelmed with what you are handling now.

It would be a lie if I said that dealing with Sensory Processing Disorder is easy. It’s NOT!

Imagine that you are on a battle field. Bullets are flying, bombs are bursting, people are shouting, and many other horrors of war happen all around you. Now, take all that stress and put it into real life situations. That is the best way I can describe what life is like for some of us with SPD. There is a war raging in our bodies that we cannot control, and it is stressful!

It is as if we are constantly fighting… trying to beat back the sensory overload. Trying to keep a meltdown at bay.

Yes, sometimes I have the desire to fight; but we all have bad days, right? Days when we don’t feel like fighting anymore. When we just want to be “normal” (if there is such a thing as “normal”). To be someone who doesn’t have to leave the table because she’s about to have a panic attack and can’t think straight.

Part of embracing SPD is accepting the fact that sometimes my senses will win.

I know this isn’t my fault – it isn’t something I “caused.” And if you also struggle with SPD, know it isn’t your fault either! If you use all your sensory tools and you still have a meltdown, don’t beat yourself up over that fact or think that you have failed.  I’ve done this too many times in my life and it doesn’t do any good. We just need to understand that sometimes the battle gets out of control and there is nothing we can do about it.

Even the best Generals can’t win a battle if the odds are too high.

So remember, you are not alone. I know what it is like for the battle to get out of control and to lose the sensory fight. But instead of getting upset over the lost battle, learn that you are human, and that you need to cut yourself some slack.

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Annetta Nesler is a 20 something young woman who is not a stranger to disability. Her mother has Multiple Sclerosis and at a young age Annetta had to take on the role of caretaker. Annetta has battled health issues herself and recently discovered she has Sensory Processing Disorder (which explains the “issues” she had as a child, and now an adult). Annetta has a great passion for music and plays ten different instruments. She also produces her own CD’s. In her blog, Annetta writes about her experiences in life, in music, and more recently her experiences dealing with Sensory Processing Disorder. You can find her on Facebook, or visit her blog.