Every night as I drag myself to bed and my family is sleeping, I think, “Why can’t I be more disciplined?”
Too many nights I go to bed late. Unlike Cinderella, the clock strikes midnight and I am still going, most likely wasting time on-line. There is the catching up on my e-mail, or checking facebook, twitter, or other forms of mindlessness. My domestic chores are never ones that take up my time or keep me up late. Oh no. I am tired and exhausted because I can’t shut the computer screen.
Sadly, a tired mom is not usually a pleasant one. And why should my children be sacrificed under the lure of social media?
If I could change one thing, it would be this struggle I have, this crazy addiction to be “plugged in,” that robs me of my time, energy and relationships, and all the silly ways in which I justify it.
- “I need to make more connections for my writing career”
- “If I don’t post enough people won’t keep reading”
- “It would be rude not to respond to an e-mail promptly”
Not to mention the ease in which I can look at pictures of people I have not seen in years and that are now my Facebook “friends.” But really, it is hard to have a friendship with someone that you don’t do life with or connect with in a regular basis. After too many minutes of wasting my time, I am left no more encouraged or energized than when I started. On the contrary, I usually think, “Why did I waste all that time doing nothing?”
And so I keep working at it, keep trying to live with discipline. I want to do the things that matter, and live with boundaries. I want to be a good example to my children. I want to be present, and to be rested.
And sometimes, it really is as simple as going to bed early and facing the day well rested.
What about you, if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?