I first heard his scream among the crowd. That garbled yell that came either too soon or too late. He kicked his stiff leg awkwardly and painfully slow, his hands in fists and arms curled up close to his body. The rest of the tae-kwon-do team moved in perfect unison. But not him. His father – or a helper – pushed his wheelchair while the team made its way through the small town 4th of July parade. And while his movements were imperfect, he beamed with pride because it took every ounce of energy to do what he was able to do.
That’s when I saw them.
As I walked back to join my family by the curb of the street, a man and woman kicked their legs mockingly, making rude noises with contorted faces making fun of the young man with cerebral palsy. They laughed, they pointed, and I felt the rush of blood pumping through my veins.
A crowd stood between me and them. To speak up meant I had to go out of my way and around people to get to them. I could have simply walked away. But I couldn’t. What if that was my child? What if that was someone making fun of my daughter with cerebral palsy? What if they were mocking my little girl with Down syndrome? What would the mother of that young man do?
I had to speak up, so I made my way through the crowd.
“Excuse me,” I said with far more confidence than I really felt, “Why are you making fun of that young man? Do you really think it is funny?”
Startled, the man fumbled with his words, “Ummm…no, we are not making fun of him.”
“Really? Because if you are not, then how do you know who I am talking about?
“We are making fun of our friend,” the woman quickly added, “We have this joke with him and we always make fun of him. We were not making fun of the guy in the wheelchair.”
“Listen, I don’t know who you were making fun of, all I know is that for anyone watching, you are making fun of the man with cerebral palsy.”
“We would never do that.” The man tried to sound serious, like he really meant what he was saying.
I raised my hand in a gesture for him to stop talking.
“Do you have any idea what it took for him to be out there? Do you realize that even right now, as different and awkward as he is, he is giving his all? Do you realize that he has given more than a hundred percent? You should be challenged. We should all be challenged by him. We go around our lives giving the least we can just to get things done. But there he is, giving his all. Knowing that some people will still ridicule him and make fun of him. But it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because he is determined, because he won’t let anyone’s perceptions get in the way of a dream. We should all look at him and be moved, be inspired.”
There was an awkward silence, the adrenaline rushing through me had my hands and legs shaking.
“Yeah” the man broke the silence, “These people can do lots of normal things now, it’s pretty incredible”
I smiled at him. “These people? They are not these people, they are people, just people. And yes, he’s incredible, showing the rest of us normal people about what really matters. I have two little girls with special needs. One of them in fact has cerebral palsy, just like that man. I hope someday she chases hard after her dreams. So I look at that man and I am inspired, and I am full of hope. Hope that someday my kids will be included, accepted, and not be considered one of these people, but part of the team.”
After a pause, I added, “Have a nice day” I turned around and walked back to find my family, blinking the tears that threatened to run freely.
I had to speak up. Not only for that man, but for my girls too.
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Wow – well done. I hope I would have spoken up in that situation but I doubt I would have done it so eloquently.
Alison, I know it sounds a little crazy, but I do have a few “rehearsed” speeches for different situations. It helps me to know what to say without letting the emotions take over, but this is probably the most intense confrontation I have had, the only one, actually. And it wasn’t bad. But goodness, emotions run high when stuff like this happens!
The ‘rehearsed’ speech idea is a great idea, Ellen. Plus, being able to keep your emotions in check helps.
Great speech by the way – : )
Yes, I am a strong believer in having a prepared “speech” when things like these come up. It helps my brain when my nerves are going crazy.
You inspire me Ellen! Thank you for standing up for our kiddos!
Thankfully I have not had to do that again. Goodness I was shaking!
This is fabulous, and yes hard and sometimes awkward. This made me want to stand up and cheer!
Wow. Tears rolling down my cheeks. Just wrote a post for your writing prompt and that is as close to speaking up about a certain topic that I have gotten. It’s scary standing up against the crowd – you are lucky it turned out positively because some people are really mean.
I sure hope that man and woman (adults) learned something that day from you confronting them on their rudeness.
I like to believe that the more we do the better it will become for all.
I hope they learned something too. And they did seem somewhat remorseful, maybe only because someone called them out, but I do hope that it stayed with them. This happened 2.5 years ago, so it was a while ago. It is the only time I have had to do this. Thankfully.
Bravo! It is hard to speak up. I find myself picking my battles. Luckily, I haven’t yet witnessed something as rude as that. But, little things happen day in and day out- usually the shot to the heart I take when people unthinkingly use the “R” word.
Oh yes, the R word. I have to talk to someone about that. I do usually approach people that use that word if I know them, or send them a facebook message if I see it there. Some people respond very positively, others don’t say anything back. But there are times that it happens so quickly that I don’t have time to think about it. Thankfully, I have never seen anything this blatant again.
Thank you! I have all of these things that I would like to say but they come to me after the fact. After I finally scrape my jaw off the floor. Usually after I am in the car.
As always, love you Ellen! I have been thinking about having comments prepared ever since Jack was born. Never had to use anything yet but I’m not naive to think I never will. Thanks for being brave; and for the reminder to be ready when the time comes.
I love you too, and love that Jack boy! What a charmer he is! And I do think prepared “speeches” are pretty handy for us parents of kids with SN. Unfortunately, at some point we will have to speak up.
Bravo! You are braver than me.
Peter, if you had a child that could have been the one being made fun of, it is amazing what you end up doing! I am not a confrontational person, at all.
Your writing is so inspiring, and I love that you spoke up for that boy! Thank you. 🙂
I kept thinking if they were making fun of my child, I sure would hope someone would speak up.
You’re so awesome, you had me in tears. I am so proud of you!
Thank you, but I think you would have said something too.
Amazing writing Ellen x I find it tragic that adults were teasing a young person when they have no excuse other than ignorance and stupidity. Good on you for standing up and speaking up! I too have rehearsed speeches otherwise I would scream, cry or possible punch 😉
Well I was really, really close to crying. I even do wonder if they could see I was shaking! But I do rely on my little speeches often, and thankfully this is the only time I have had to use them. The other one I actually use often is to close friends and family when they use the R word. We have a good conversation where I begin by asking them, “If you said something that was really offensive and hurtful to me, would you want to know?” So far everyone has said “yes.” But it probably helps I start this was only with people I know.
Oh Ellen, I admire your courage. It is difficult to speak up to others, especially when they are being cruel. But sometimes people (ourselves included) just need someone to say “Hey, that was wrong” and sometimes that can make all the difference. By the way, preparing how you will handle things beforehand…very wise. 🙂
I do believe in preparing before hand! But it still takes a lot of courage to approach someone because you never know how they will react. Thankfully, this couple did not ridicule me, which I am very aware can happen.
Powerful!