“Treat others how you want to be treated,” says the golden rule. We teach it. We talk about it. We try to live it.
I often hear people who have no connection to disability ask, “How should I treat someone with a disability?” And the answer is, “Treat them how you want to be treated.” Right?
But here is the deal, it does not mean, “Treat them how you would want to be treated if you had a disability.” Because if you’re an able-bodied person like me, we really don’t know what it is like to have a disability because we don’t have one. And imagining what it would be like to have a disability would be based on our perception, not a reality.
So how should you treat a person with a disability? Treat them like you want to be treated right now, exactly the you that you are now, same circumstances you have now.
If you are an adult, would you want someone to talk to you like a child?
If you say, “I am fully capable,” do you want people to respect you and treat you with dignity and allow you to make your own choices?
If you ask, “Please stop, I do not like what you are doing.” Would you want people to stop even though they think they are being helpful?
If you say you are good at graphic design would you want people to believe you and not doubt you based on only one aspect of your life that has nothing to do with graphic design?
On Sunday, my daughter who has cerebral palsy had someone offer to go get her walker, “No thank you,” she said, “I can get it myself.”
“But it’s just right there, I can get it for you.”
“No thank you,” she said more firmly, “I can get it myself.”
Thankfully her wishes were respected…this time.
Because often times, it doesn’t matter what she says, well intentioned people do not listen to what she has to say, or they simply do not even ask.
I have several friends with disabilities who have shared with me this is a common occurrence for them too. I’ve witnessed it myself hanging out with them. I’ve had a friend say to someone, “I am fully capable,” and that person not listen until I said the same thing, “She is fully capable.” As if my words about my friend had more power. Why? I think it is because they are coming from an able-bodied person. It isn’t right. Her words about herself should matter more than mine.
The word is respect.
Treat others how yo want to be treated, right now, within your current circumstances.
It includes people with disabilities too.
We are made of the same essence.
It’s the golden rule, and let’s do the best we can to make sure it applies to the way we treat people with disabilities.
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I think sometimes it is hard to know what to do. I think there is no “this is right for every person with a disability.” Even for my child there are times I fight to have her included and other times I see there is no way she can be included. There are times when we need help and usually when people ask, I dont need help. It totally depends on the person and the situation. This makes it harder on the world to know how to treat those with disabilities. I guess it just goes back to asking them and talking and listening.
I agree Dana, my friend Denise says, “we are not cookie cutters, we are not all the same.” There is no condition that should keep anyone from treating a person with a disability without dignity and respect. Like you said, ask and listen.
I have lived with Cerebral Palsy all my life like your daughter and this reminds me of a recent experience. I have a new friend. After knowing him for 2 months he unfortunately suffered a stroke. I thank God every single day that he survived. One day I saw that the symptoms left over from his stroke were kicking in very intensely. He looked very uncomfortable. I asked if he was okay. “I’m dizzy” he replied. I was utterly terrified because this was the first time I had witnessed his episodes. “Do you want help?” I asked him. “No” he said smiling. I wanted to insist that I help but stopped myself when I remembered how much I hated when people would freak out when I fall and insist on helping me even after I told them I was fine. So I respected his wish. He seemed to appreciate this. I watched as he regained control over the symptoms calmly just as I had seen him do in other stressful situations before the stroke. I remembered that this guy was the EXACT same guy he was before the stroke and I should treat him as I always had. He tells me when he does want help,other than that I let him handle things the way he wants.
Jesus set an example of how He interacted with people with disabilities…..He saw them first…not the disability. He didn’t say “let me help you walk and now you are worthy of my time”. He didn’t cast his eyes down and ignore them. He also didn’t expect superhuman things of them in order to gain His respect for them as a person. He didn’t talk down to them or up to them. He let them see a side of Himself that others rarely got the privilege to see. He loved them!!! If He had written the gospels…and not His followers, I think He would have written them in “people first” Language. I don’t think He healed the disabled because He felt there was something wrong that needed fixing…I think He healed them because He knew the struggles that they would be facing in a society that just would not see the person first and treat them with the dignity that they deserved. In a Christian society, this should be the norm and not the exception!!!!! It’s sad that the church today still just reads the words of the Bible, but can’t live the example of Christ..it’s all there if you follow His example and command..”Love one another as I have loved You.”
I am glad that you are trying to take this on in your church…But the Church needs to take this on as a civil rights issue itself and stop making excuses for the CHURCH being more of the world than of Christ….it’s not that hard. I hope your project will accomplish this.