Your children are watching and learning from you, every day, every moment. They listen to your words, imitate your actions, follow your cues on how to behave in new situations, mimic your example on how to interact with people they meet. And they will learn, from you, how to understand disability.
I used to be afraid of disability. The stigmas and stereotypes passed down to me almost paralyzed me when my youngest daughter was born with Down syndrome. I struggled with her diagnosis. But in no time I realized that my little girl was not defined by her diagnosis, she was a little girl first, my daughter, with a rascally personality, a disarming smile, and a strong will. Through parenting her, I learned that disability is a normal part of life. We then adopted a little girl with cerebral palsy.
Sadly, the fear of disability is still out there, and dear parent of a typical child, you can help your child understand that disability is indeed a normal part of life – but you can only teach what you know.
If you are uncomfortable with disability and pull your children away from other kids with disabilities when they are playing together at the park, or at a party, or at the library, you are teaching your kids that children like mine are scary, repulsive, and people to stay away from.
Disability is not contagious. Don’t let your kids grow up carrying the same stigmas and stereotypes that were passed on to you, please. Be brave, make a difference for your child by acknowledging that kids and adults with disabilities are people first, with gifts, talents, and abilities.
If your child is curious, remember that curiosity is part of healthy development, children are learning, making sense of their world. But be ready to respond in a way that helps them understand and embrace disability, not run away from it.
If your child says, “What’s wrong with him mama?” Say, “Nothing is wrong with them, they have a disability, do you know what disability means?”
Perhaps you can explain disability by talking about apples. Apples can be green, red, or speckled; they look different but they are still apples. You can eat an apple, or an apple pie, or apple sauce. You can drink apple juice, or apple cider, or even apple soda. And it goes without saying that you can eat apple pie, but you cannot drink it. And you can drink apple soda, but not eat it.
We are like apples. We might look different on the outside, but we have the same essence, we are all made in the image of God.
While my daughter with cerebral palsy might not be able to walk well, she is very creative, which makes her a great artist.
We all look a little different on that outside. We are all perfectly unique.
Teach your children that nobody is defined by their diagnosis.
Teach them that children are children first.
We all have different gifts.
We all have different talents.
We all have different abilities.
We all have a sense of humor.
We all have unique personalities.
We all have a favorite color.
We all have a preference for certain types of music.
Children with disabilities are kids. Kids.
They are made up of so much more than their diagnosis.
The best way to be comfortable with disability is to be around it. If you do not have a friend who has a child with special needs, then make a point to befriend someone from your church, or your mom’s group, or the parent you see at the park or public library. Who knows, you might discover we are a pretty “normal” bunch.
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I am always saddened most when I hear of parents who still put their own children in a “not normal kid” category and so parent in a way that matches those who just don’t know. Not many any more, but a new story of it recently reminds me that it happens.
Thank you. This is a great post. 🙂
I am disgusted when I see people scoffing at, making fun of, or hastily moving to a new location when someone with a disability comes near.
We were at the park a few weeks ago, and there was a little girl there that must have either had her leg amputated or born w/o a fully developed leg, so she wore a prosthetic, I didn’t want to blatantly stare in order to feed my curiosity, so I politely acknowledged and kept about tending to my girls playing on the playground.
My oldest daughter at one point did ask what was wrong with her leg, and I did say to her something like “Nothing sweetie, she needs that to help her walk”
And that was the end of it, she didn’t care after that, her question was answered, and she accepted it, and moved on.
I was probably a little more protective of the other little girl when my daughters (and other children) were running about and nearly knocking one another over. I was so worried about them knocking her over. But I imagine that this kind of a response isn’t much better at times though too. Trying to treat someone with a disability as though they’re made of glass.
I was very proud of my daughter though that she asked, listened to my answer, and that was that. 🙂
And thank you for teaching your daughter that disability is not something to be scared of!
Beautifully and gently said. This was inspiring and encouraging to read. My kids both have ‘invisible disabilities’ (autism and epilepsy) which always keeps me on my toes, never a dull moment. I do feel like making name tags with their disability so when they have a meltdown or seizure, people don’t judge too harshly. There’s a lot of judging, oh mylanta.
On a different note, my son loves wheelchairs. He is fascinated by them and thinks it’s so cool when someone is using one. He understands that it serves a practical purpose, and that adds to the cool factor for him (technology is huge for him). Would his enthusiasm make a disabled child or adult uncomfortable? I’ve never had a chance to talk to someone when he is not present to ask this. People usually smile when he shared his excitement over their technology, but it’s hard to know if they’re just being polite or actually enjoy his joy.
Kathryn, that probably depends on personality and age. My daughter, being young, would be mortified of the attention to her chair. But I asked my friend who is an adult with CP and she said she does not mind when children ask her and she would not mind the scenario you describe.