Having a child with a disability can make life different from what other moms of typical children experience. On a day like Mother’s Day, while friends receive cards from their kids, breakfast in bed as a result of the loving attempt from little chefs, and homemade gifts, your heart yearns for the day you hear your child say the words, “I love you,” or a day with no medical complications, or to have someone come along your side and remind you that you are not alone.
Today, I want you to know you are not alone, and I want to celebrate you and the wonderful mother that you are.
I see you in the middle of the day, tired after a long night with little sleep. Your hair pulled back in a ponytail and a stain on your shirt. You sacrifice so much for your child. You are beautiful.
I see you at the doctor’s office, the specialist said there is nothing wrong with your child, all results came back negative. But you know that no matter what the results say, your child is experiencing discomfort. So you stand up to the doctor, shaking inside, holding back the tears, and you demand more tests until they figure out what is going on with your precious son. Your perseverance pushes the doctors to continue to explore what is causing your child so much pain. You are courageous.
I see you at the therapy office programming your child’s speech device, entering phrases and words to help her communicate with others. You lean over to your spouse with a grin and push a button, I hear the computer’s voice say, “I farted.” You are funny.
I see you at the support group. New parents are visiting with their baby, they seem scared, nervous, and they are trying to deal with the diagnosis. You approach them, ask questions, affirm their feelings, and assure them it won’t always be easy, but it will be good. You are compassionate.
I see you walking into the school for the third time this school year. A binder full of notes, lists, and goals. Your don’t feel your child’s team is following the IEP, and you won’t give up inclusion for your child. You will do whatever it takes to provide the services that your child needs. You are resilient.
I see you at the hospital, a place you are too familiar with. Tubes, machines, tests, and specialists. Your child’s feeding tube is the least of your concerns. You are brave.
I see you at the restaurant, with a menu in your hand. But the noise is too much for your child, the smells and unfamiliarity overwhelm him. Soon, he is yelling and screaming. While people stare, you exit the place and get into your car as quickly as you can. You are flexible.
I see you at church asking one of the new moms if you can bring her a meal on Tuesday afternoon. You have so much on your plate, but you also remember how hard the first few weeks are after a baby comes home. You are generous.
I see you at social gatherings where well meaning people ask ignorant questions about your child or her disability, they make hurtful comments, or fail to recognize that your child is a child first. You don’t get angry, you don’t yell. Instead, you smile, answer their questions politely, and you educate them in a gentle manner and thank them for their concerns. You are gracious.
I see you out there in the world, living a selfless life. You give so much, you feel so deeply, and you love so abundantly. You are admirable.
These qualities you display are precious gifts you give to your child and to those around you, they don’t go unnoticed.
Dear mama, today is your day, and I celebrate you!
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Thanks Ellen. God bless you.
Thank you Ellen, I needed to read this today. <3
Thank you. I so needed to read this today.
Beautiful sentiments Ellen. Thank you for taking the time to share that encouragement.
Have a wonderful Mother’s Day!
Thank you! I value and find gratitude for the smallest amount of change, growth or new adventures each age brings. What was stressful in the toddler years seems like a distant memory that was happening to someone else, the early school years were filled with terrifying thoughts, worry and school IEP’s that never seemed to meet our child’s needs completely, new schhol, middle school and tween years were worrisome but unfortunately they didn’t need to be. Somehow we’ve made it this far my little miracles, teachers who have stepped out above and beyond and helped lessen my fears while I was not present. IEP meetings became productive and growth began to happen. I made it through some of the darkest days and nights but it’s always been a journey that gets better as we go along. Yes we can have some rough patches but we once had an occasionally smooth patch. I have such compassion for parents of special need children. There’s always another who needs support more than me, a mother of two special need children, a mom who has a child so severely disabled it takes a village to get the needed support yet she could still use more. I feel the most grateful when I’m supporting, praying and thinking of others rather than focusing on my own situation or my child’s difficulties. I often feel I’ve lost myself, the person I use to be. Reading your blog today confirms that to be true. I’m definitely a much better person.
Shea, wish I could give you a hug right now!
Ellen,
Thanks so much for the much needed words of encouragement. I am mot only a special needs mom(my son has down syndrome and autism) i am also a special needs wife in a way. My husband has stage 3 brain cancer and prostate cancer so for me and im sure others in a situation similar to mine, every second of every minute of every day is a struggle just to keep our eyes looking up…but when all seems to much….up is where we look…god is always there, always supporting us, and forever loving us….HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to you all…
Lida, praying for you and your family. Wish I could give you a hug right now.
Thank you for this encouraging post.
I found myself thoroughly enjoying Mother’s Day…during our worship service at church…accompanying a special needs son to Sunday School…gathering with my Mom and otehr extended family. And then it was present time…and I was honored by extended family…and I gave each of my children a present, because I am thankful to be their Mom…and then I was sad as my husband sat there in a trance-like state.
You see, I didn’t realize until AFTER the kids came, that my husband was SO needy…that he is always wondering, ‘what about me?’ and ‘who will take care of me’? And now…I want to be Mama to our kids, but not to my husband. So, there is a sadness to Mother’s Day…not because I prepared the meds, play clothes, food, special cups, and presents…not because I cleaned the stinky pants while my husband chuckled…not because I was being the Mom to needy kids…I was sad because I don’t want to be the Mom to a needy husband…the perpetual Peter Pan, who just won’t grow up…I was sad because I wanted a teammate, not a mascot.
And today, Mother’s Day is a memory…and the signs of celebration piled and waiting for me to put them away…after I tend to the more urgent feeding and laundry tasks…and what is leaking in the bathroom–the toilet or the shower? And it’s another day…typical in our atypical household…everyone needs Mom…every day…
Thank you for sharing. And this parenting kids with high needs can take a toll on our marriages, we get it. Hugs to you.
This is exactly what I needed this morning. Trying to stay connected with friends, family and my other
grown children and grandchild, while caring for my son, who will be thirty in June, is overwhelming, isolating and a real challenge. But I see myself in this post, and that make me smile. Thank you! You have comforted me today!
Thanks for your gentle reminder. Thanks for seeing me and all of us. There are so many of us. I saw another mama just today. My heart went out to her!
Bless you Ellen and your gorgeous girl!
Such a lovely story. Thank you for sharing, but not all parents will get the disability thing right. I started my own site, blogging daily and have never missed a blog, when I learned in my 40’s that I had Cerebral Palsy. Not all parents will emotionally be equipped to deal with and embrace a child with a disability. An inspiration for sure. Feel free to check out my story and site. Keep up the good fight. https://www.thecpdiary.com
Thank you so much for sharing. This is just what I needed to encourage me today. It was like getting a pep talk from a really good friend who gets me. ?
Thank you- I wish others would understand, but I’m grateful for all friends on here that do…Happy Mothers Day to all!