Almost every parent of a child with a disability I know has been told at some point that, “God gives ‘special children’ to ‘special parents.'” I hear some parents find this sentiment comforting, but the majority of us just roll our eyes.

Father holding baby

We know we are not “special.”

As a matter of fact, we are pretty ordinary. I have said this before, we are the you you would be if your child had a disability. 

Related: Why My Kids With Disabilities Don’t Make Me a ‘Special Type of Person’

Sure, some parents are nice, but some turn out to be bad parents. Like all parents, some are good, some are bad, some are optimistic, some are abusive, some are warriors, some are neglectful, some are exhausted, some have addictions, some do a marvelous job at portraying perfection on Instagram. It’s the reality of being a parent, it can bring out the best or the worst in you — and sometimes both. 

Nothing “special” to see here.

Also, can somebody please point out to me where exactly in the Bible it says this? If we are claiming to know God’s intention, surely we can find it in scripture. We hear it so often and with such conviction there must be some passage in scripture that says, “God gives ‘special’ children to ‘special’ parents.” Except you won’t find that in scripture.

Instead, this is what you will find:

Children are a gift from the Lord;
They are a reward from him.

Psalm 127:3 (NLT)

“And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

Matthew 28:20b (NLT)

So to recap, this is what we do know based on actual scripture if we are going to claim we know God’s intention:

Children with disabilities are a blessing (as are all children).

We can acknowledge that parenting kids with disabilities is more. As parents, we have to stand against so many obstacles to ensure our children have their best life. We take on  the giants that are insurance companies, school districts, sometimes even a medical system that sees our children as “less” and unworthy of certain medical interventions. And often, we do this in isolation, because this parenting kids with disabilities can be lonely — for us and for our kids. But we do it nonetheless with the promise (for those of us who have faith) that whatever comes our way, God promises to be with us. Always. To the end.

Related: 9 Worries I Have as a Parent of a Child With a Disability

God doesn’t give “special children” to “special parents.” He gives children with disabilities to ordinary parents. They are His blessing, and He promises to walk with us.

One thing I will concede is that for many of us, our kids with disabilities do make us better people. Not “special,” but rather more accepting and understanding and loving.

So when we reach out and ask for help, please remember we are not extraordinary and of a super human variety. We are so ordinary that we get weary and we cannot do it all on our own. We are asking for help because we are exhausted, we feel isolated, and we need a friend to reach out and walk along our side.

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