Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Jenni Wolfenbarger for a summer series highlighting great writers who focus on disability.
A year ago, I would have told you that my youngest daughter has cerebral palsy. A year ago, all her doctors would have agreed. We lived in a comfortable place despite her challenges and medical needs. We knew CP and we thought we would see improvement as the years went on. Therapies, routine appointments and very few medications. That was our reality.
Then came unexpected symptoms and our solid ground was shaken. All of a sudden our doctors who confidently gave us a diagnosis were not so sure. Too many seemingly unrelated symptoms were appearing out of nowhere and together they might add up to something else. Our peace was gone and anxiety was a daily reminder of the unknown. We had entered a place I call “the middle”, the place where you are in between your old diagnosis and a possibility of another diagnosis. Any test result could shift us from the middle to a new world. The uncertainty can be all consuming.
Yet, it’s in this place that I’ve learned more about myself and my faith as I practice a daily dependence on God. When my worried thoughts go to scary places and awful diagnoses, I can either let the worry rise or I can lean on the ultimate source of peace. When I don’t know what to do for my daughter, I can go to God for wisdom. He created her and He knows what the doctors are hoping to discover.
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. (1Peter 5:7)
Much of our lives are lived in the middle. When things are good, we might worry that something will interrupt the good. When things are bad, we might worry for even worse things. We plan for weddings and careers and children while knowing so much of life is out of our control.
When parenting a child with special needs, our middle may be the season in between episodes, or new symptoms, or hospitalizations. Our middles can be so sweet that the worry of it ending can spoil the sweetness. But if we cast our cares to our Heavenly Father, the One who knows our seasons and our children, we can find rest and the true peace that resides regardless of life’s circumstances.
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Jenni is a mother of 5 by birth and adoption. Jenni is an advocate for orphaned children with special needs and she is passionate about making this world an inclusive place for every individual. When she is not driving her minivan to various activities and appointments, she can be found blogging at Joyful Journey Mom.
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