Editor’s note: This is a guest post by Tonia Christle for a summer series highlighting great writers who focus on disability. Tonia writes about, what is ableism?
[Image is: A sepia toned photo of the back of a blonde haired boy sitting alone on a step. He has his head in his hand and appears lonely.]
WHY IS IT HARMFUL?
Ableism is harmful because it’s a bias in favor of nondisabled people, which views disabled people as inferior because of our disabilities.
HOW TO RECOGNIZE IT?
Ableism that I have experienced traditionally takes on two forms: In the first kind of ableism, people’s expectations for me are too high and so I’m viewed negatively because I can’t perform the same task as an able bodied person. In the second form of ableism, people expect nothing at all from me, and praise me for existing, for going out in public, etc. Both types are equally damaging.
I have heard, from some parents, is that there is a difference between those of us who may have physical disabilities but are able to communicate versus those of us who cannot readily communicate because of a disability like autism, Down Syndrome, or even more involved Cerebral Palsy. I hear from some parents of kids who can communicate less easily that it is somehow “different” for those who are autistic or have other intellectual disabilities. The implication is that people with disabilities that impact their communication are not bothered by such things.
Ten-year-old Fox (blogger at Fox Talks With Letters) is autistic and communicates via Rapid Prompting Method. Fox shares his frustration at constantly being taught below grade level, because he could not speak orally, and therefore, it was assumed that he could not understand:
WAYS TO HELP:
Pay attention to the way you think about people with disabilities. To help with this, use a nondisabled person of the same age to compare, or think of yourself at a similar age.
Would you speak to a nondisabled eight year old like a baby?
Would you tell a nondisabled adult “good job” for going to the store?
FINAL THOUGHT:
In this day and age, you probably would never think of saying to your male-identifying son, “I wish you had been born a girl.” You probably wouldn’t go out looking for the latest treatment to heal him of the gender he identifies with, which is, in his case, the gender he was born with. You wouldn’t say things to him like, “It sucks that you’re a boy.” Or, “Boys are so much more work to take care of.” You probably wouldn’t be okay reading articles online about parents saying “I don’t know if I could love my child if he’s a boy.”
Your child can’t help being born a boy anymore than a disabled child can help being born disabled. Hearing comments like, “My child has CP – and it sucks!” “I don’t know if I could love a disabled child,” or “my child / his wheelchair is so heavy!” are damaging to us.
So while it is totally okay to have your feelings as a parent, be mindful of where, and to whom, you express them, especially if they are about you coming to terms with your child’s disability. What is life-changing for you is totally normal for us. And a lot of disabled adults feel that disability is just as much a part of our identity as our gender or our race. It’s something a lot of us were born with. It isn’t something that we chose. In some ways it does make our lives more difficult. But it is ours, and we embrace it as something that gives us identity and community.
Ableism is everywhere in today’s society. And we are today’s society. So let’s challenge ourselves to change the way we look at disability.
Let’s make sure ableism stops with us.
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I thought it was spelled as “ableism” ? Oh well. Anyway I find people with speech and/or communication difficulties to be way more frustrated than people who can speak because they cannot voice their frustration at being treated like below skill level. I have also seen parents treat these kids so below skill level that they have emotional and physical “learned helplessness” to the point where they cannot function as adults even though they would be more than capable of doing so if taught the correct behavior.
M, thank you for pointing that out, that was my mistake and spell check did not catch it! I have now corrected it, thank you again. And I agree with you, I have seen parents being “enablers” in some aspects rather than helping their kids achieve all they can. I think for me, it can be an issue, especially with my youngest who has Down syndrome. She is my baby and I tend to be overprotective to the point of “enabling.”
Thanks for replying Ellen! For me the best way I become independent was being taught practical skills as just part of daily life instead of making it into a huge deal or separate “Independence” project where I felt talked down to. I also felt like I was being treated respectfully if I got to decide myself what independence meant instead of being forced into it by somebody who did not know my physical needs or home life very well. Ask your daughter how she would like to be more independent and simply let her try these things in the safest way possible while keeping a respectful distance from her so she can feel she is truly learning for herself. I think that over protectiveness is completely natural for a caregiver as I fell into the same pattern when working with both able bodied and disabled children and when my friend had his stroke. You just need to get the best communication possible between yourself and your daughter so you know she will ask for help if she actually needs it, and then if she doesn’t ask you know she knows what she is doing.